5C6E243B-DE44-47C1-880C-513E13F92FE7Delete that word from your vocabulary unless you are actually apologizing, and not for your behavior or excuses. Use it when you are truly sorry.  Maybe you have made a fellow human being sad, hurt or genuinely uncomfortable.  Say “I’m sorry” to your dog if you tripped over him and he whimpered.

“I’m so busy, I didn’t mean to blow you off, I never said that, sorry, sorry, sorry.”  It gets on my last cranial nerve when the insecure, fake, controlling (person) can’t even wrap their mind around the concept of an apology and use that stupid word to protect themselves from the atomic bomb of confrontation.

I don’t know what you’ve been playin’, I got me some better things to do.




The desert she must be blessed….

I hope she will forgive me,

as if I deserve it

for my past sins,


right now

and the many yet to come

“girl, you had free will.”

if she tells me “no” and I can’t stay, do I beg and throw myself on her sacred ground

fake denial, begging for the snake to “be my kin”

i would offer me for them, but me? She will laugh

“I told you so”

I knew this.

but beg I will, waste her time, night will come

and she won’t forgive me

so I freeze.

goodbye Texas, I have to face her, “the cowboy and the rasta man”

the girl with the most cake


In the last year and a half I have spent too much time wondering/obsessing over where/how/why my ex-husband split in the middle of the night and left me with a lot of shit to deal with, 2 confused pissed off teenagers, and a shattered ego.  Yesterday morning after work I was having a “can’t sleep wildly obsessing” session I got a message from a friend.

“I’m glad he’s gone, I didn’t like him.  He had hair like a baby chimpanzee.  There, it’s out. I said it.  Thank God you didn’t have a kid with that monchichi. gross.”

She pulled me out of the rabbit hole just like that.  She continues with “How’s work?  Is ICU blah? All stabbings, gerbils in not so pretty places and old people shit?”  This girl is Hilarious, to me anyway, going on and on…then she just says, “like always, you pull through.”

Snap! I do and I did.  I had a huge moment of clarity.  Most important being that my ex was an asshole and nobody liked him.   People always made comments, he hated all of my friends, etc, but I guess my perspective was so twisted up I made excuses for him.   He’s gone and that’s my gain, in every way possible.   All he wanted as to be the “man” in his “industry.”  He uses people to his advantage, always would find new hobbies too impress/gain friendships.  All of this has to do with his daddy issues and he calls his mom “Mother.” OK, Norman Bates.  I’m done wasting my time obsessing with that person.

I have other rabbit holes and obsessions like music, seeing Montage of Heck, finding tickets to the sold out Peter Hook show, raising 2 teenagers, get more letters after my name besides RN, CCRN….i need more, because the powers that be are lame.  I have to join the “groove cruise” with girlfriends, I have dates to go on,  music blogs to read,  and regular life crap to do.  Bald Move, Mad Men, Penny Dreadful, Game of Thrones, and driving all over Texas to see Courtney Love. (I met her during the Live Through This tour and she was so nice and down to earth.) People give her too much shit.

thanks to my grrrlfriend and this..


I knew a boy

“and i don’t know what to do with my hands now..”



“And miles and miles of regrets,
it hasn’t happened,
and it won’t happen yet,
and days and days of perfect sex,
and bad TV,
oh, I just try to forget.”

Snapshot of Regret
by me

Right now I play the song three times over
right now I pretend that we never really started this at all
right now I ignore those unwatched episodes sitting there waiting
and right now I think if I’d never met you I’d never know

the way the ocean stings at three in the morning
and the way it feels to trace the letters of your name on your naked skin

Last time we swore the word forever (do you remember)
like a curse word
an expletive
a pinky-swear promise

Last time we teased songs from a pawn shop guitar
like we were each other’s muse
a linked up one turned two times magic
with harmonies coming…

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i needed my winter coat.

i was there and you were there

in the surf

certain it’d pull you away

for such a long time

come up for air

still my friend was there


perfect landscape

we even befriended the tar

walked for miles but it was


i didn’t know you from the sun.


you know i love you, Palms,

but why did you trick me like that?









To The Ones Leaving Without Saying Goodbye

“Because knowingly acting in such way that grantees you will be on someone’s mind means you either want them but feel it necessary to test/play with them first or that you are a downright asshole. …”

so true, thought catalog!

after almost 2 years of wondering where he went w/ a bag full o’ t shirts, finally I came across this article.  NAMASTE.

“Ron has over a decade of experience developing and pissing off development teams/most humans with brands like V, M, and Firedme, INC. Mrlg s the Technical Director at a house and Development. At an early age, Ron taught himself software programming languages and hackimg methodologies, which led him into a career in the tech industry. Prior to  chasing a girl to Dallas in 2007, Ron served as Chief Technology Officer of IRANAWAY Inc., a software company specializing in Interactive Digital Signage. While at Nobodylikesme inc., Over the years, he has had the opportunity to  play ping pong  with clients ranging from real angry landlords, and, computer services managers at POPCOPY and fashion industry projects with TheyFiredMetoo. Ron spends his time with his macbookpro cozy on his lap, a girl and apparently human son. . He is an avid motorcycle crasher and has a secret love for developing porn sites, hiding from wives and kids he gets sick of, synthesizers and eating drum machines.”

looks like i don’t have to wonder anymore…frackin’ brilliant! (please note hot”MESS’s” comment from a previous post…

Be grateful you did not procreate with RLG. He told me all I wanted to hear, and we had a child. Then, when that birth took its toll on me, he abandoned me under the guise of protecting the child. Used me for my womb then left me broke and alone without my son. And now I have bad credit, too. This ruined my life. So, I’d have to admit that you’re the lucky one. At least you have your children. I am totally, endlessly fucked. So…thank your God and move on. Good luck from another victim.”

.keep licking your moms pussy Ronald.

Thought Catalog

Flickr / Andrej VillaFlickr / Andrej Villa

I think there is nothing more terrible in this world than waiting. It creates expectations; it builds up fantasies; it puts you on pause. While consciously choosing to wait you pretty much stop yourself from doing anything else. Because what if they call? What if they show up? What-if-they-change-their-mind-and-you-hurried-up-and-moved-on-and-now-that-chance-is-gone-and-how-are-you-supposed-to-live-with-that?

There is a reason why one of the very first things we learn as social beings is say hello and goodbye. We are rational creatures. We understand and work best when there is a timeline, when we know that we start at A and arrive at B. We like that. It gives us a false illusion of stability.

When we enter someone’s life we open something. A story starts being written. We say hi. Wouldn’t it be nice to also acknowledge them when we leave? We are good with openings. We are great even. But when it…

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i know you better than you do

“my white tiled floor” wasn’t that a classic

just as I began to adore

one incongruent scenario

and my white tiled floor, shan’t be

steady, steady, now girl

oops! is that my shattered glass on the floor?

i guess things fall the same way in Oregon?

the same as they do here in the south,

mud lies instead of your pretty, pretty garden.

Sofia will take care of these things,

you have seen her do so already?

Darling, this is kindness.

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quit trolling.


i love you, Sandman.

Live on 35mm - by Valerio Berdini


MARK SANDMAN (1952-1999)

When I started Live on 35mm, almost 2 years and 100 bands ago, I didn’t have a clue where I was going with this site, but I knew that if it lasted until the 3rd of July 2009 I had one band to publish. That day has come.

That band is Morphine.
This article is dedicated to the memory of their leader: Mark Sandman.

This is a unique post on several levels and very personal.
It contains the only pictures available (as far as I am aware) of the Morphine last concert, taken literally minutes before Mark Sandman collapsed on stage, dying of a heart attack.
Sandman life and the career of one of my favourite bands abruptly terminated exactly 10 years ago, in front of me on the stage of a small Italian festival.

These are my memories of that…

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